I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
