you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
