wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
