I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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