he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
