My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
