Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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