someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
