sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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