Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
