The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
