I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
