i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
