i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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