What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
