Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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