do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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