god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
