Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
