If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
