if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
