I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
