Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think your dad took our porno
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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