I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
