i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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