guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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