I'm really into asian looking animals
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Terrible idea I love it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
