What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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