never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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