why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
