they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
