he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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