Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
