She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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