I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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