she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
