is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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