You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
