some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
