I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I understand Curling. That high.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
