the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
