The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
