Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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