we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
