shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
