Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
