I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
