We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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