its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
