did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
