So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
