I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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