i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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