Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
