if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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