It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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