i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
