I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
