She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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