girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
