We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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