He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
