Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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