I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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