I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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