i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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