remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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