Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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