So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
