that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
