How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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