Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
