Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
