That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
