He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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