This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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