how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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