sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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