apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
