you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
