yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
