I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
