i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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